Privatization Lolz II

From Cracked "The 6 Most Horrifying Ways Anyone Ever Got Rich"

Marcus Licinius Crassus was a Roman general and politician who commanded his legions around 70 BC. He’s credited with creating the first fire brigade, though he probably wasn’t thought of as highly of as FDNY since his primary motivation for putting out fires was to extort money from the property owners.
It all began when Crassus noticed the tendency of buildings in Rome to burn down, due to being built too high and close together and with large wooden support beams. To capitalize on this, he bought 500 slaves and put together a fire brigade. Then, he’d show up at the scene of the fire and make the owner a deal. It went something like this:
"Sell me your building, or I’ll let it burn down along with everything you own. I’ll give you 30 Talents."
"Ah come on Crassus, I bought it for 72 Talents. And I added that deck!"
"20 Talents for the house pal."
"I’ll take 80. 80 Talents." (Noise of building collapsing in on itself)
"10 Talents bud. Time’s running out. You take it or you get nothing."

It was kind of like how a fire department would work under the Libertarians. Not only would Crassus buy the house that was burning down, he’d buy the neighbouring houses that were at risk of catching fire. He’d then set the slaves to work putting out the blaze and rebuild any damaged houses, to be sold later at an enormous profit.


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